Mark “Money Printer” Carney

Mark “Money Printer” Carney, Canada’s freshly minted Prime Minister, is a man whose economic policies read like a high-stakes board game—if the board game were designed by someone obsessed with spreadsheets and jargon. From surprise interest rate hikes to quantitative easing experiments that leave wallets dizzy, he navigates fiscal controversy with the calm of a central banker and the enthusiasm of someone who thinks inflation is just a fun puzzle. His governing strategy is simple: calculate, predict, announce, and then smile politely while Canadians try to figure out if they just lost a few hundred bucks or gained a few cents. When not plotting the next bond-market stunt, Mark dreams of a world where cryptocurrency flows as freely as maple syrup and fiscal responsibility is measured in stylish PowerPoint slides. Rumor has it his next major initiative will be a nationwide “Economic Optimization Selfie Challenge” to show that even austerity can be photogenic.